Legolas' Seat

by erobey

Rating: PG13

Pairing: Gandalf/Legolas

Summary: Let us pretend that Legolas was a regular messenger from Mirkwood to Imladris, but as yet had not had opportunity to meet Gandalf, though of course he had heard of him! This story takes place just before the Council of Elrond and is a fun tribute to Sir Ian's portrayal of Gandalf and his comments regarding slash fic!

beta'd by Sarah AK

Pairing: Gandalf/Legolas

Author: erobey,

beta'd by Sarah AK

Category: Humour

Disclaimer: All the characters and places were originally created by JRR Tolkien and are the property of his estate.

Chapter Two

The kitchens of The Last Homely House were vast, high-ceilinged chambers situated behind the architectural masterpiece that was the main house, occupying an entirely detached building with its own water supply piped in directly from the waterfall's source. Here, the great chimneys belched soft, fluffy white clouds of smoky ash round the clock as the keepers of the Lord's household never knew when an impromptu feast might be ordered or when unexpected guests might arrive craving hot water to bathe away the grime of travel and travail.

In the same building could be found the pantries and larders, well stocked with every sort of staple and provision of necessity as well as rare delicacies and fruits not normally found in the region, sweets and pastries, jugs of sweet, cool milk capped with cream, and bottles of sparkling cider put up at the previous harvest. These humble rooms were among the most popular destinations for the occupants of the Last Homely House, and anyone else spending time in Elrond's hospitable abode.

Many a lover's tryst had begun (and sometimes concluded) at the long, low table dominating the large room. Innumerable outings and excursions of amiable camaraderie were planned there, and not a few crushing diplomatic fiascos had been settled over generous servings of fresh berries and cream with a glass or two of Elrond's Famous Blueberry Wine, or some other delectable fare.

Merry and Pippin sauntered across the courtyard separating the kitchens from the main house and entered into the huge, cavernous rooms. To their surprise, the hearth was deserted and no sounds could be heard from the adjoining chambers to indicate where the chefs had gone. They shrugged as they shared an unconcerned glance between them.

Pippin sighed appreciatively, deeply inhaling the combined scents of new-baked lembas cooling on racks set upon the table and a simmering sauce of rich red colour and hearty spices. The Hobbits roamed about, poking into cabinets and shelves, not certain what they were looking for but wanting something to munch on while they waited for the object of their curiosity to appear.

The clever Halflings had astutely deduced the correct conclusion, for before they had chosen a suitable snack they heard the clear ringing notes of a fair elven voice, softly singing a cheery tune, and then the elf himself strolled gracefully into the room through the backdoor.

He halted just inside the opening and stopped his song as he discovered the Hobbits, the likes of which he had not seen before.

Merry and Pippin stared at him in open-mouthed wonder.

Clear eyes the colour of an unclouded summer sky, alight with the luminous joy of his existence within the vital fabric of Eru's Making, gazed upon the Hobbits with child-like curiosity and amiable goodwill. His whole being was a living hymn of praise, and surely Eru's love of Arda was proved with this gift of perfection personified in the grace and beauty of the immortal youth before them.

Yet, more than the physical definition of his form and features distinguished the elf as something special, unique, and peerless among the First Born. The quality of his spirit, the candour of his open heart, and the noble bearing of his nimble mind set him apart in virtue and valour from his kinsmen. He shone like a rare saffron corundum, flawless in its natural state, easily discerned amid a host of precious gemstones.

The Halflings were struck immobile, inarticulate, speechless, and breathless in the overwhelmingly glorious aura that clung to the elven youth framed in the cookhouse doorway. They observed the wild mane of gleaming gold, windblown, askew, thoroughly and uncharacteristically messy. They noted the fine-boned slender feet, bare upon the slate-paved floor. Their eyes roamed the half-opened, sleeveless short tunic that revealed the inherent strength of the archer's arms and a glimpse of the pale, creamy flesh of his firmly muscled chest.

They instantly knew this had to be Legolas.

Simultaneous sighs of rapturous appreciation slipped past their lips and drew a wider smile to the young elf's countenance.

"Mae govannen, mellyn o Elrond! [Well met, friends of Elrond]," he said as he gave a half-bow, politely pressing his left hand to his heart. "Legolas, uin Eryndhôr Ardh, athra Ered Hithaeglir [I am Legolas from the Woodland Realm, across the Misty Mountains]."

The lilting quality of his melodious voice made the simple Sindarin statement seem like a praise of great respect. Though they understood little more than 'hello' and 'good-bye' in elvish, the Hobbits caught the name they were hoping to hear, confirming the identity of the elf in their midst and bringing mischievous grins to the Hobbits' faces as they bowed in turn.

"Mae govannen, Legolas! I am Meriadoc Brandybuck of the Shire, and this is my cousin, Peregrin Took," said Merry.

"But you must call us Merry and Pippin, or even just Pip, if you like, for so we are known to all our friends!" corrected Pippin. "We were about to enjoy a small mid-morning snack; would you care to join us?"

"Thank you, yes; I am famished! All night I travelled on my journey here and crossed the river at dawn's breaking. The whole morning I have been too busy to even think of eating!" As the elf spoke he entered the room and turned to one of the cabinets upon the wall, opening it to search for something appetising, much as the Hobbits had done before his arrival. Unsatisfied with the contents, he frowned his lips into a disappointed line and moved to another cupboard.

Pip's eyes suddenly lit up and he flashed his smirking grin in Merry's direction while their new acquaintance's back was turned.

"Oh, Legolas, would you mind too terribly much just checking in that cabinet over there? The lower one, nearest the pie-safe, has some lovely apricot preserves, I believe!" he said.

Legolas smiled over his shoulder and moved to the cupboard in question. "Apricots, exactly what I am craving!" he said. He ducked down to search its contents once he had pulled the door open, offering his companions an excellent opportunity to examine the shape and firmness of his rear end when his tunic rode up in the back.

"Yes," murmured Merry, eyes glued to the inviting vision of Legolas' arse encased in the soft, skin hugging leggings, "I am having cravings, too!"

The elf soon found the jar requested and also discovered a container of blackberry jam. These he carried to the table while Pip hunted for spoons and Merry poured them each a mug of cold, frothy milk. They settled on benches at the table and Legolas served them, taking up the lembas and smearing ample portions of the sticky fruit over the thin wafers.

They munched contentedly for a few minutes and Merry was just about to inquire about Legolas' earlier activities when a tall, broad-shouldered, imposing blond elf strode into the kitchens, carelessly whistling a tune. Seeing Legolas, he burst into hearty laughter and walked over to the youth, clapping him firmly on the back.

"Ah, Legolas! I see you have spent the morning with Mirvain again! Did you give him a thorough workout?" his booming voice good-naturedly joked.

The Hobbits' brows went up and Pip's stifled giggle was halted when Merry kicked his ankle under the table.

"Yes, Glorfindel, he will be quite content to rest quietly for the remainder of the day!" answered Legolas warmly.

"From the looks of you, he is not the only one who is wearied! You are positively a shambles, Pen-neth!" The mighty Balrog slayer reached out and tousled his fingers through Legolas' golden tangles, eliciting soft laughter from the young elf.

"You are right! I am exhausted as well, but in a most pleasing way!"

This time it was Merry who snickered and Pip barely retained a snort, swallowing so it came back out sounding like a rude burp. The elves looked at the small folk with confused indulgence.

"Do not let these Hobbits drag you into any adventures, then!" the Hero of Gondolin warned. "You have duties to see to later, do not forget! I expect you to be well-rested and ready for me this afternoon!" So saying, the elda grabbed an apple and a bottle of cider and strode out of the kitchens toward the main house.

"I will be prepared!" Legolas called after him merrily and resumed eating. The lembas did not satisfy him, however, and he soon rose and snatched an apple from the barrel-full by the door and returned to his spot across from the Hobbits.

"So, you were with Mirvain this morning?" queried Merry, and Legolas nodded, his mouth too full of fruit to speak.

"I heard you are quite devoted to him, seeking his company before all others' whenever you arrive in Imladris?" commented Pippin.

At this remark Legolas looked surprised; he did not think anyone noticed where he went when he was in Rivendell, or that his actions warranted discussion such that folk he had never met had already heard of him!

"That is true! I long for the wild abandon of our morning rides! I cannot be so carefree among the trees of my homeland! How did you know that?"

"Oh, Gandalf was talking about it," Pippin responded nonchalantly. "But why, since you are so close, does Mirvain remain here and you in the Woodland Realm? Wouldn't it be better for you to move here? I'm sure Elrond would approve."

"Why, I could never leave my homeland! I am needed there with all the troubles we face from Dol Guldur!"

"Well, then, let Mirvain go with you to reside in the Woodland realm!" suggested Merry.

"Oh! That is a lovely thought, but Mirvain does not belong to me! He is Glorfindel's favourite stud and he would never part with him!"

Merry choked and began coughing violently upon hearing this revelation having inhaled a gasping breath while his mouth was filled with lembas. Pip began thumping him soundly on the back and poor Legolas jumped up in alarm and ran around to them, kneeling by the Hobbit's side as he peered from one to the other.

"Is he all right?" he asked Pip.

"Aye!" Merry rasped out as he finally cleared his windpipe. "I just swallowed wrong, Master Legolas! Please do not be concerned about me! Sit down again and finish your meal, please!" he pleaded.

Legolas straddled the bench next to Merry and quietly watched the pair as he took another bite of the jam-coated way-bread.

"What," he began and stopped as a light flush crept into his fair cheeks. "What did Gandalf say about me?" he finally asked, absentmindedly running one hand through his wild mane as the other tugged at his open tunic. He was very unnerved by the meeting with the famous Maia that morning, for he had hoped to be more formally attired before presenting himself for the wizard's approval.

Pippin noticed the elf's unconsciously anxious movements and chortled in a distinctly slimy sort of way that made Legolas look up sharply and blush darker.

It was just as he feared; Mithrandir must have found his dishevelled appearance and lack of finesse appalling. The Istar must think him a complete rustic, and when he learned the news Legolas brought, well; there was no hole secret enough to crawl into to escape the angry disgust the wizard would direct upon him.

"He said you were delightful, Legolas!" blurted Merry, for he was more sensitive than Pip and felt badly for the elf's obvious embarrassment, even if he completely misinterpreted the cause for it.

"Did he?" Legolas' hopeful tones were heart wrenching.

"Aye, and he also said he was quite pleased with your demonstration!" added Pippin with less compassion and more lurid glee. Merry's foot found his cousin's shin this time.

A small frown creased the young elf's brow, for he did not understand what Pippin was implying with his lightly sarcastic tone. Elrond had talked Legolas into shooting a few targets for Mithrandir's edification. He had been tired and had to borrow a weapon from one of the Imladrian archers, since his own bow was in his rooms. The results had not been perfect, but neither had he missed a single bull's eye. He sighed and his shoulders slumped a little.

"I know my aim was a bit to the left and my release was slow, but I had ridden hard through the night and the dawn and was weary already!" he mumbled dejectedly as he rose from the bench. "I will leave you two good folk now and take to the baths. I was on Mirvain's back all morning and have yet to get myself cleaned up. Namarie, mellyn nin!" he said with hollow cheeriness as he made his way toward the main house.

"Namarie, Legolas!" called Merry.

"Aye, rest well!" said Pippin.

As Legolas passed through the entrance he met Lindir on his way out and bowed politely aside to let the older elf go first. The Wood Elf thought he detected the faintest hint of a disapproving sniff as the minstrel swept by and hurried on his way. Legolas proceeded into the house with the unpleasant sensation of being watched and glanced back to find Lindir glaring at him with undisguised scorn.

Taken aback, the young elf gasped and nearly ran to his rooms, overcome with the fear that everyone in Elrond's home must know the wizard's poor opinion of him, Merry's reassurances notwithstanding.

Once the sylvan youth had disappeared inside the passageways of the main house, Lindir turned to continue on his way. He took no more than two steps, however, before halting, a sly grin curving up the corners of his lips. The Hobbits' subdued voices were audibly distinct to any elf in a ten-meter radius, and the singer paused to eavesdrop.

"Can you believe it?" giggled Pip. "They certainly grow them wild and wanton in the Woodland Realm!"

"I don't know what to think, Pip. Legolas looked upset when he left," rejoined Merry.

"Nay, he was just tired! By the Old Took, I know I would be if I had spent the entire morning bedding 'Glorfindel's favourite stud'!"

Out in the little courtyard garden dividing the cookhouse from the mansion, the minstrel's jaws gaped wide and he had to cover the gulf quickly with his hand to muffle the gasp of shocked surprise that would have alerted the Halflings to his presence.

"Maybe. I just think something is wrong."

"Oh, I agree; it is very wrong, in a very funny and scandalous way! What do you suppose his 'duties' with Glorfindel are, eh? The Balrog slayer wants him well rested and prepared! Do you suppose he beds them both, to prevent jealousy?" Pip burbled excitedly.

That was quite enough for Lindir. The minstrel of Lord Elrond's court had followed the Hobbits to learn precisely who the Wood Elf's lover was, and now had all the facts he needed. After all, everyone in Imladris knew that 'Glorfindel's stud' was the Balrog slayer's pet name for his paramour. And everyone in Imladris knew that Glorfindel's beau was Elrohir, youngest twin of Lord Elrond's twin sons.

Well, everyone except the Hobbits, Legolas, and Lord Elrond, that is.

Lindir turned and hurried back into the house, eager to share this new information.

"That is too outrageous! How could he just go from one to the other like that?" Merry shook his head, not really finding the situation funny anymore.

"Maybe that's the price he pays for sharing 'Glorfindel's favourite stud'! And who says he goes from one to the other; maybe he takes them both on at once!" Pip snickered. "I still can't believe he allowed Elrond and Gandalf to watch them! Legolas is so beautiful! Can you imagine what he looks like naked, Merry? Wonder if we can get him to let us know the next time he wants to have sex on the lawn!" Pippin was thoroughly enjoying his erotic mental imagery.

"Pip! I think he felt pressured to do it, what with Elrond asking and all! I fear he is regretting it now!"

"Oh, Merry! Didn't you hear him? His only regret is that he might not have performed as well as he would when fully rested! He obviously has no moral reservations about public displays of affection!"

"Well, I would like to see this other elf and find out how he is holding up!"

"Excellent idea! I very much want to have a look at 'Glorfindel's stud'!" Pippin found the nickname absolutely hilarious and seemed to enjoy saying it very much.

Just as the Hobbits were cleaning up their snack debris, the bright rectangle of the open doorway momentarily darkened with the bulk of two elves, male and female. They carried large armloads of apple wood and both nodded politely to the guests as they moved over to the hearth. Merry and Pippin knew them well, they were Tegilbor [Caligraphist] and Bessain [Female bread-giver], two of the chefs.

"Oh, Tegilbor! What is that wonderful sauce you are making?" thrilled Merry, hoping for an invitation to sample it and his wish was fulfilled.

"It is a recipe I learned from one of the Rohan captains who were here last winter, Merry. It is very tangy and made mostly with tomatoes, onions, mushrooms, and spice. Taste it and see if it is hearty enough!" the chef laughed as the Halfling scurried over to the bubbling pot and dipped in the offered spoon.

While his cousin blew on the boiling sauce, Pippin approached Bessain and helped her as she neatly stacked the wood on the hearth.

"Bessain, I am sure you must be acquainted with everyone in Imladris, for you make the best lembas ever!" he saidcourteously, and the cook smiled kindly at the praise. "I was wondering if you might know where we can find Mirvain?"

"Mirvain?" Bessain's brows quirked in surprised confusion. "I suppose you might try the stables!"

"Oh ho! You two best watch out, now! Mirvain does not have so generous a nature as some! He only tolerates the touch of Glorfindel, and that young Wood Elf, Legolas!" warned Tegilbor.

"Thank you!" said Merry, "We will be careful; and the sauce is excellent!" and with these words the two friends turned and hurried out behind the cookhouse heading for the paddocks, having completely forgotten all about Sam's snack.