In the Darkness Bind Them

by Henrika

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Gandalf/Sauron, Gandalf/various uruk-hai, Gandalf/Saruman

Summary: AU; Sauron has regained the One Ring and won the war. Gandalf is trapped. Will the Istar be able to resist the Dark Lord's attempts to break him?

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. They belong to J. R. R. Tolkien. I make no money of this.

A/N and warnings: This story is very dark and deals with disturbing matters like graphic violence, graphic rape, torture, humiliation and much more. If this is not your cup of tea, now is probably the time to turn back. You have been warned!

Archiving: My own site, Lord of the Rings - my Gandalf slash fiction and art and Meddling in the Affairs of Wizards (hopefully!) Others, please ask first.

Dedicated to: Nefertiti, for so kindly helping me with beta and suggestions. Without you this story would probably still be in a file somewhere in my PC. Many hugs to you, my dear!


Chapter 11

When Gandalf woke up many hours later, Saruman was still soundly asleep. The former white wizard lay in exactly the same position, perfectly still, drawing deep, even breaths. He actually looked serene, as opposed to how he looked when he was awake.

Gandalf carefully propped himself up on his elbow, trying not to wake Saruman. The bed was not that big, and there wasn't enough room for them to lie separately. Gandalf really hoped that his fellow wizard would feel better when he woke up, because seeing him in such a dreadful state had been awful. He knew Saruman was not as strong as he, and of course Sauron knew that as well and took advantage of it.

That foul excuse for a Maia! Gandalf nearly growled at the thought. Before he didn't think it would be possible for him to hate anybody, but he truly hated Sauron. He was sure of that now. But of course that was what the Dark Lord wanted. He enjoyed being a monster and wasn't bothered by it a bit.

Saruman's long hair had fallen back from his face while he slept and exposed the sore spot where his left ear had once been. Gandalf really didn't want to look, but his eyes were drawn to it anyway. The sad scars that were left filled him with pity for the fallen wizard. It must have hurt terribly, he thought. And the bleeding... What had Saruman done to stop that? Had he cauterized it himself with a red-hot iron? That was one possibility. Absently Gandalf moved his hand to touch his own left ear as to make sure it was still there.

The blanket had slipped down from their shoulders when Gandalf moved. They were lying back to belly, like two spoons in a cutlery box, and bodily contact was of course inevitable. Gandalf hadn't paid much attention to Saruman's back until now, when he just happened to spot the ugly, raucous scars that ran along the length of his entire body, all the way down to his buttocks. They looked vicious, and the nature of the scars told Gandalf that they were quite fresh and also what kind of instrument had caused them.

"Oh, my poor dear!" he whispered loudly and pressed closer to Saruman, wrapping his arm around his waist and hugging him tightly. The sudden and not too gentle embrace made Saruman stir from his sleep, and he woke up, yawning with a slightly distressed moan.

"Gandalf... What are you trying to do? Choke me...?" he murmured, struggling briefly.

Gandalf immediately loosened his tight embrace, murmuring an apology. He had let his feelings take control of his actions, which certainly didn't happen often, but those scars... Anyway, Saruman was awake now, and it was unlikely that he'd be going back to sleep after this.

When Saruman felt that the place of his former left ear was exposed, he immediately pulled his hair back to conceal the scars. He knew Gandalf had probably seen it by now, but it didn't matter. He felt better this way.

Gandalf began to trace his hand along Saruman's spine, barely touching the scars that were so painfully visible now in the clear light of day. Saruman shivered at the touch, gasping sharply. Whether it was from pleasure or discomfort, Gandalf could not tell, but he had a feeling that his fellow wizard knew why he was doing it.

"Saruman... how did you get these scars?" he asked carefully, although the answer was already too obvious.

Saruman sniffled. "I believe you already know how, Gandalf, so why bother asking?" he murmured into the pillow.

"Did he... did he whip you?"

Saruman nodded. "Yes. Many times. Isn't it obvious? He seemed to like it, too."

Gandalf was at a loss for words. He could recall Saruman's taut, curved back and stiff face the night he'd come to see him after Sauron's assault, nearly two weeks ago. Then he had believed it was due to common nervousness, but now he finally realized the truth.

"He whipped you...because you tried to stop him from...hurting me?" he whispered.

"Yes, he whipped me. He hasn't whipped me after that occasion, but it was not the first time. He..."

"Don't talk about it if you don't want to," Gandalf said.

"I...It doesn't matter, anymore."

"I am sorry for bringing it up..." Gandalf began. "I just saw your scars, and... I just wanted to be sure. I am sorry, Saruman."

"Well, now you know," Saruman replied bitterly. "But it is alright now, I can assure you. I heal quickly."

Saruman turned over, so that Gandalf could no longer see the scars running across his back. He supposed that being whipped was not as bad as being raped, as Gandalf had been, but remembering the pain after the lashes still made his face crumple up, even though the only physical proof he had left was the scars. Walking had been a grim ordeal for days after that, and he was actually surprised that Gandalf hadn't noticed anything sooner.

Gandalf decided to change the topic of discussion, since the pained look on Saruman's face told him that he didn't want to take this one further.

"Are you feeling better now?" he asked instead.

"Better?" Saruman muttered, almost having forgotten what it was like to feel well.

"Yes, better than yesterday evening, I mean?"

Saruman made a motion that was probably supposed to represent a shrug. "Not really," he confessed. He could still feel the shame and humiliation - and of course, fear - that Sauron's cruel command to rape Gandalf had caused him. His inability to get an erection without Gandalf's aid had been awful, and although he was grateful to Gandalf for saving him, he felt disgusted. What if Sauron ordered him to do it again? No! Oh, no! That couldn't happen. For the first time in months Saruman seriously considered trying to run away. Almost instantly he realized that it was no option, though. He couldn't live alone out in the forests, and he had nowhere to go.

He put both hands over his face and sighed heavily. He had really put himself in a miserable situation. He never believed Sauron would exactly welcome him with open arms, but he didn't quite expect this either. Sauron had promised him so much... wealth, power, land... What had he now? He didn't even own the clothes that were currently in a heap on the floor beside the bed. Well, he did have his life, and that was something he did not want to lose.

"Saruman..." Gandalf said slowly. "It wasn't your fault. I blame Sauron, not you. He would have hurt you if you had not..."

"Raped you?" Saruman finished the sentence for him. "Well, I must say I could never have done it without your aid," he sighed. "Gandalf, I hurt you, did I not?"

"Not seriously, no," Gandalf said. "Don't worry about it."

"But I saw your blood on my... When I pulled out..."

"I said, don't worry about it," Gandalf assured him.

"Is it...normal?" Saruman asked, puzzled.

Gandalf sighed. "Well...no, not really, but Sauron hurt me a lot worse than you did. The wounds he caused might not have healed yet, so your entry might have aggravated them, but I can assure you I'll be fine."

Gandalf knew that minor tearing could happen even with the gentlest of partners, but Saruman had actually been a bit too rough at the end. That was probably the cause of the slight bleeding last night. He wasn't bleeding anymore, though a faint, dull ache was still present in his nether regions. Not that it really bothered him. It had hurt ten times worse with Sauron. He couldn't blame Saruman for it. Just as he'd guessed, his fellow wizard was sexually inexperienced, and Sauron's cruel treatment of him didn't exactly offer any guidance.

"Saruman," he asked tentatively, "was that your first time ever... lying with someone?"

Saruman could feel his face turn red, and he almost considered not answering the question. Wasn't it obvious enough? Why did Gandalf torment him with questions like that?

"Yes," he hissed. "It was my first time. Unlike you, the pleasures of the flesh never interested me so."

"Oh, Saruman, I am sorry..." Gandalf sighed. "I am sorry that your first time had to be like that. My dear friend, sex should be something for everyone to enjoy. I can promise you, it is one of the most beautiful things that can happen between two people, if done right."

Saruman snorted. "Yes, and I am so convinced! It is a filthy act, Gandalf. There wasn't even any pleasure involved. Only...pain and humiliation. I do not understand how anyone can agree to it willingly."

"That was Sauron's fault," Gandalf said firmly. "He only wanted to humiliate you. The act between two willing participants is an act of true pleasure and love. I am sorry that you have never had a chance to experience it."

Really, Gandalf had wanted to ask Saruman why he had never chosen to lie with anyone. He had always known that his fellow wizard was not as out-going and convivial as he was himself, but it was strange that Saruman had not even taken a partner out of mere curiosity.

"Would you like me to show you?" he asked. "No Sauron this time. Just you and I. I could show what pleasure you can get from it."

Saruman stared at his fellow Istar as if he had gone completely mad. "Gandalf... you...want to lie with me?" he asked in a mixture of surprise and disbelief.

"Yes, but only if you want to," Gandalf replied. He had lain with many different partners of many races, but never with another Istar. "If we do this now, perhaps it can make what Sauron made us do last night a bit less heinous."

Gandalf carefully placed his hand atop Saruman's chest, hoping to get some kind of reaction. If his fellow Istar was completely uninterested in coupling with him, he would certainly respect that decision, but he really hoped that that was not the case. He wanted this if the feeling was mutual.

Saruman regarded him as though he still wasn't sure that this was actually happening. Gandalf smiled at him and pushed his long beard aside to lick his throat. Saruman drew a sharp breath, but Gandalf could tell he wasn't exactly unwilling. Soon he could feel his fellow wizard's throbbing heartbeats under the skin of his throat and knew it had to mean that Saruman was either getting very nervous or excited.

"Gandalf..." Saruman gasped, loosely cupping Gandalf's head in his hands. He couldn't believe this was happening. Was he actually allowing Gandalf to do this? It was insane... They were at Sauron's fortress, and the Dark Lord himself could come in any second and find them... Was Gandalf thinking about that at all? Obviously not.

When Gandalf realized that Saruman was not going to object or push him away, he moved further down and locked his eager mouth around Saruman's left nipple. The pebbled, light-brown nub quickly hardened in his mouth, and he licked it lasciviously, proud to elicit a long, lust-filled moan from Saruman. He clamped his fingers around the right one and began squeezing it provocatively, as he continued to assault the left one with his mouth.

Saruman groaned again, murmuring incoherently as his fellow Istar's skilled mouth sucked on his skin and placed wet kisses all over his chest. His nipples were stiff, hard peaks that screamed for attention, and he could only sigh in pleasure when Gandalf's mouth locked around one of them again. His neglected cock quickly came to life and engorged into an erection. This time it wasn't forced as yesterday but happened because he was truly aroused.

Gandalf slowly began to move even further down, tracing his tongue along the wizard's flat stomach on the way and leaving a wet trail of saliva on it. Saruman squirmed impatiently, desperately wanting Gandalf to pay attention to his hard, aching cock.

"Saruman..." Gandalf murmured, as he started kissing his way down to Saruman's nether hair. "I cannot let you go inside me now, since I am still a bit sore down there, but I'll be very happy to show you another way that pleasure can be given. Do you want that?"

"Oh, yes, Gandalf... It feels so...good!"

Gandalf needed no further encouragement. He pulled his tongue over the length of Saruman's erection before taking it into his mouth, tasting the oozing pre-come that seeped from the slit. The fallen wizard moaned in bliss, arching his back and thrusting his hips up from the mattress. Gandalf smiled around the member in his mouth, taking it deeper every time he pulled back.

Saruman began to squirm, the throbbing in his swollen cock increasing as Gandalf used his mouth to milk it. After a while he was thrashing so much Gandalf had to place his hands on his hips to keep him still.

"Oh, Gandalf, that is so..." he moaned breathlessly, using one hand to stroke the back of his fellow wizard's cropped head. Gandalf's white hair was beginning to grow back, and his pate was no longer smooth.

To Saruman's frustration, Gandalf let his hard, weeping shaft slide out of his mouth after some time, and instead began to kiss the sac beneath it, licking softly around the testicles and nibbling at the loose skin, nearly driving Saruman mad.

"Gandalf, just let me..." the fallen Istar squealed, desperate to feel the heat of Gandalf's hot, skilled mouth around him again.

"All good things to those who wait..." Gandalf murmured back and actually moved even further down, spreading Saruman's long, lean thighs with his hands.

The Istar cried out when he felt a hot, wet tongue tracing over his entrance, sending shivers through his entire nervous system. What was Gandalf doing?! This couldn't possibly be a part of the act, could it? Did Gandalf actually lick his...?

Gandalf eagerly lapped at the puckered little hole, pleased at the reaction he got from Saruman. Unlike many people, he didn't find this act gross or unnatural at all. The taste was fairly neutral and there was no odour either. He knew that Saruman had always been very thorough about his hygiene, and that had not changed since he came to Barad-dûr.

Saruman eagerly spread his legs further to give Gandalf better access when he discovered how great it actually felt. He still couldn't quite fathom Gandalf was doing it, but his conscious mind had abandoned him long ago. He almost didn't notice anything when the tongue was replaced with one of Gandalf's saliva-slick fingers until a second one came. His sphincter, unaccustomed to this kind of activity, flexed instinctively.

"Relax..." Gandalf said. "I am going to find your pleasure spot."

"My...what?" Saruman managed to murmur.

"Your pleasure spot. All males have one," Gandalf explained. "You are no exception. Just relax. I promise you that it will feel great."

Saruman did as Gandalf suggested. The fingers of his fellow Istar moved deeper inside his body, and he almost jumped when a sudden jolt of intense pleasure surged through him. Gandalf chuckled in reply.

"See?" he said. "You do have one!"

"Do that again... Please..." Saruman panted.

Gandalf complied. He began to thrust his fingers in and out of Saruman's body, trying to make contact with the pleasure gland as often as he could. With his fingers, he could feel it through the inner wall, like a small walnut.

Within a minute he had Saruman gasping and squirming almost uncontrollably. His slim, sinewy body was completely covered in sweat, and his normally pale face was all red. Every now and then, Gandalf would use his other hand to stroke his weeping erection. When the two pleasurable sensations were mingled, Saruman was unable to hold back any longer, and his seed spurted out of his cock, staining the sheets and dripping over Gandalf's fist, which continued to pump it until nothing was left.

Exhausted, Saruman lay back against the pillows, his heart rate rapid and his breathing quick and shallow. That had really been intense! He had no idea that plain old Gandalf was so skilled in the arts of sex! He began to wonder how he could have spent 2000 years in Middle Earth without trying it.

Grinning, Gandalf climbed up and sat astride Saruman's hips. He looked down at the flushed face of his fellow wizard, resting his hands on Saruman's chest. He figured he was so light now that he didn't have to worry about burdening anyone with his weight.

Saruman, despite the weariness that was over him, could see that Gandalf still had an erection. What he'd done had obviously left him aroused, and he had not touched himself to get rid of it.

"Umm, Gandalf..." Saruman began, his eyes inevitably slipping down to the stiff cock of his fellow Istar.

"Yes?" Gandalf asked.

"Are you... I mean, what about..."

Gandalf noticed Saruman's slightly awkward gaze and realized he actually had an erection himself.

"Yes, well... Forget about me," he finally said. "This was for you. It will go away, don't worry about it."

Saruman regarded Gandalf silently. He really had a large, luscious cock, and Saruman suddenly found himself wanting more of it. He could recall the pleasant, tingling sensation of Gandalf's fingers slipping into his narrow channel and wondered what it would feel like being filled with something even bigger.

"Gandalf, would you not like to..." He bit his bottom lip, trying to think of a polite way of framing it. "Take me?"

"Oh, my dear..." Gandalf sighed. "Is that really what you want?"

Saruman nodded. "Try it," he said.

Gandalf wasn't sure if Saruman knew what he was asking for. A couple of fingers always felt good, but an entire member was something different, and besides Gandalf knew that he was considered fairly well-endowed, even among Men.

"It might hurt a bit," he warned. "You have never done it before."

"There is a first time for everything," Saruman replied, and for the first time in ages it seemed, a tiny smiled actually danced about his lips. He reached out his hands and passed them over Gandalf's arms, up to his shoulders. Gandalf was encouraged by the tender gesture and smiled back down at Saruman.

"Well, as long as you are prepared for it," he said.

"Oh, yes. Just do it. I won't break."

Gandalf used Saruman's cooling semen to lubricate his own member and then moved to prepare the other wizard for the entry, which he was convinced would hurt a bit. Scissoring his fingers, he tried to stretch the tight opening so it would accommodate to the size of his cock. "Alright..." he said, placing himself in a position to enter the wizard, lifting Saruman's long legs over his shoulders. With one hand he gripped his slick member and brought it to the other's well-prepared entrance.

Saruman groaned with both pain and pleasure when the bulbous head of Gandalf's cock pushed past his ring of muscle. Gandalf had been right. This was a lot harder to take than the fingers had been. He had to bite his bottom lip to stop himself from crying out at one point and almost considered asking Gandalf to stop. He didn't. It wouldn't feel that bad after a while when his body had gotten accustomed to it.

"I can stop," Gandalf said when he noticed the pained grimace on Saruman's face.

"No," the fallen wizard whispered. "Go on..."

Little by little, Gandalf thrust forward until two thirds of his length was buried in Saruman. He stayed completely still for a while, giving his partner time to adjust to the invasion. Saruman's breathing was laboured, and his eyes were glistening with moisture. It hurt, yes, but not as badly as he had feared. He could cope with it. Gandalf was slow and gentle. What had it been like for Gandalf when Sauron had forced his way inside? And those uruks? And... Saruman could hardly think about it. He had done it as well.

Slowly, when he felt Saruman's inner muscles relax, Gandalf began to move. He kept his motion steady and even and never went further than two thirds of his length. It was enough. The pressure around his cock was wonderful. He had almost forgotten what it felt like. While in Sauron's evil clutches, he had wanted to completely forget about sex.

He was stroking Saruman's calves while moving inside him. His fellow wizard's eyes were closed, and Gandalf could hear him moaning faintly every time his pleasure spot was hit. Gandalf knew that Saruman was too tired to have another erection, so he did not interpret that as lack of interest.

Gandalf tried not to think of what would happen if the Dark Lord suddenly walked in on them doing this. He had to admit that he had no idea how Sauron would react, but he was quite sure that the Dark Lord wouldn't simply walk out again to give them privacy.

He finally came, emptying his seed in the moist, tight heat of his fellow wizard's bowels. Saruman's legs slid down from his shoulders, and he collapsed exhausted in the bed next to the other wizard. Saruman, closing his legs, pulled himself up in a sitting position and tried to ignore the dull soreness in his backside. He briefly glanced down at his thighs, just to check if there was any blood, but he could see none, just droplets of a white, creamy fluid which he knew was Gandalf's seed.

Relieved, he settled back against the pillows, pulling Gandalf's head onto his lap. His fellow Istar gratefully accepted the gesture and rested his weary head on Saruman's thighs. Normally sex did not make him so tired, but he was still weak after the disease and, he guessed, lack of food.

"Thank you," Saruman said after a while.

"For what?"

"For showing me."

"Oh. It was nothing. I hope I did not hurt you."

"No, you didn't. I am not even bleeding."

"You aren't supposed to, either. Tearing only happens if..."

"If it is done roughly. I know," Saruman said. He assumed that Gandalf had been bleeding a lot during his stay at fortress Barad-dûr. "What will you do if he rapes you again?" he asked Gandalf.

Gandalf sighed. Yes, of course. Sauron. "I don't know, Saruman," he replied. "What can I do? Give my consent, so that he will not beat me? I suppose I am hoping he'll lose interest in me in due time, and perhaps..."

Let me die.

"Release you?" Saruman asked.

Gandalf sniffled, hot tears burning behind his eyelids. "No," he said softly. "That will never happen."