My Love

by Seawave

Rating: PG

Pairing: Gandalf/Pippin

Summary: Pippin's thoughts on Gandalf - implied slash

Disclaimer: The Lord of the Rings trilogy was written by J. R. R. Tolkien. I make no monetary profit from this story.

I felt like my world had been torn asunder when you fell in Moria, Gandalf. I wanted to tear the beast apart with my bare hands, but I could do nothing. Nothing except weep. I wept longer and harder for you, Gandalf, than any of the others, even Frodo.

When I listened to the Lament the Elves sang so beautifully for you, Mithrandir they call you, it was as if I knew what they were saying, in the deepest regions of my heart, as I felt it too. Your loss pained me more than I can word, My Dear Gandalf. I willed myself to go on. Merry was my strength after you left us, Gandalf, though I know your leaving was not your doing. It was that vile creature of whom I will not speak its cursed name.

But in the forest, when you appeared to us, I felt as though my world, my life had meaning again, Dear Gandalf. I had life in me again. For I love you dearly, My Dearest Gandalf. Wise Gandalf, Gentle Gandalf. Although you chastised at me, yelled at me, scalded me, more so than any of the others, I loved you none the less.

Should I be thinking of you this way at a time like this? I worry so for Frodo and Sam and the others with the battle looming like an ogre. The calm before the storm. I sing a song of fading hope, as that is how I feel, but my feelings for you will not depart, Dear Gandalf. You tell me there is hope for Frodo and Sam and I believe you with all my heart. I drew blood for the first time to save you, Gandalf and I do not regret it.

And we did win in the end, evil was defeated, but at a great cost. None of us will ever be the same again. Countless Men and Elves are dead, and my heart grieves for them, but I also grieve as I cannot bring myself to tell you how I feel, Dearest Gandalf. Will you be disgusted? Tell me not to be a fool, or will you hold me within your robes like I always imagined and dreamed you would? Is there any hope Gandalf? Just a fools' hope. And I am a fool and I will hope, My Love.